The Day It Began
by xXxchiixXx
Summary: Riku and Sora are happy now, soon to be married. But that wasn't how it started, when Sora left Riku alone to be with the girl next door. A letter from Riku... explains everything... Oneshot, yaoi, lemon. SoraXRiku


**Yup, it's me again. Just thought it was about time for another oneshot of Riku and Sora goodness. Well… that and I have actually had tons of spare time, what with the moving and all.**

**This is basically from Riku's point of view, writing to Sora in a letter that Sora will only get to read if Riku leaves it unattended. It is about how Riku felt when Sora left him to go and marry Kairi, and how he felt when he returned to him. **

**Here ya go.**

It began on a warm night, in the middle of summer. The moon was lighting the back garden with an eerie glow. My legs had felt cold as they hung limp in the water of the pool in my garden. The moonlight had lit up your eyes in the dead of the night.

It wasn't different to any other night we had sat here, together, talking about petty things that didn't matter. We did this often, yet the strange fluttering in the bowels of my stomach was stronger than ever before.

I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on you that I loved you. I never believed in love at first sight, but I'm a sucker for the phrase now. You stepped out of your parents' sleek Jaguar with amazing grace and blinked your long lashers in the afternoon sun. I had watched, transfixed, unable to move in case it was all a dream. Your parents introduced themselves, but you stood behind, a scared look in your eyes. And what eyes! Like two deep pools of colbat blue, glittering in the sun and shielded by the slender hand you lifted in a half hearted attempt to chase the light from them. I had tilted my head, taking in all of your perfect features in a self inflicted silence before quietly asking your name.

Sora.

I had left you shortly after that. The next clear thing I can recall was coming to your house the next morning. The door had opened and you were rubbing your eyes in a sleepy manner. My own aqua gaze had fallen to your bare torso, lean and smooth. You were perfect. A diamond ring in a lucky bag. A jewel fruit among the dying island inhabitants.

You have no idea of how beautiful you are.

I had seen how you were with Kairi. In her own way, she was stunning. Long red fair framed her delicate face like the flounces of lace at a young woman's throat. She would flutter her thick black lashes at you and always find an excuse to cling to your arm. I hated that.

I tried to show my feelings for you in the most subtle of ways. Lightly brushing against you, always including you in a conversation or task, and always defending you in an argument.

You never understood. Your lips would open as you laughed nervously; brushing off whatever methods I tried. My heart would pound madly, like a distraught dove trying endlessly to break free of its cage when your deep, thoughtful gaze rested upon me. I felt like I was being judged, like somehow, I'd never be good enough for you.

The first time me and Kairi fought, it was over you. I couldn't tell her how I felt about you, so my argument wasn't as convincing as I'd have liked it to be. I was constantly fighting a losing battle to try and keep her away.

That was the problem. I had to bottle everything up. Everything. I was too afraid to tell you. The only thing I could do was wait. Hide and wait for that tragic day when my bottle would break, spilling all of who I was upon the ground. Everyone would be able to see my true feelings, my emotions I rarely showed.

A tardis, a wasteland was all I could find where my heart should be. And although I tried as hard as I could, I could never find your sweet oasis. And even though I'd sit with both of you, I still felt alone.

Things went on like that for a while. You started staying over at Kairi's house more often. Yet, you always had the same questionable look about your features. I knew all too well that she was playing you, confusing you, making you think you loved her, when in reality, you didn't know how you felt.

Then you came to me. Stood on my doorstep in all your beauty and said that you and Kairi were running away together, because you were too young to be married. You were running away to find a new life. Words cannot describe what my heart did at that moment.

It had started as a tingle. Electricity soaring at my fingertips, finding its way to the deepest roots of my heart. When you told me, my heart shattered into millions of tiny pieces, strewn over a black hole. A void. I still haven't quite found them all yet.

That's why I shut the door on you Sora. I shut the door, just like I shut off all feeling in my heart. I didn't want you to watch me cry. Once I was out of your sight, I cried out al the pieces of my broken heart. The tear trails had stained my face for days. In my fury, I wrecked our den. The one shadowed by sentimental trees and hidden away from prying eyes. I destroyed it because it reminded me of you. My mind drifted back to when we made it, on that warm summer's day.

People rumored; said we were too old to be making a den. But you always had a childish side Sora. We'd sit in there for hours, drawing pictures, imagining how our lives would play out. None of it included Kairi.

I let you into my world. I took you down to the crystal waterfall that tumbled between butterfly speckled boulders. I showed you how the fireflies defied the darkness of caves and crevices. You eyes lit up at the wonders I showed you. I wanted to hold you close in the dark, in the cave lit up by tiny flies and tell you how you were so much more beautiful than all these things. That you were the most perfect creature ever created.

You made me wonder if you were even from earth. Sometimes, it would seem as though you were an angel, lost and alone by some of the things you said and the innocence that you kept a hold of.

I wanted so badly to trace your jaw line with my pale, steely fingers and tilt your head up, watching as your eye gazed at me in your own confused way.

I didn't.

I didn't do anything.

You liked it in my world. I was just content to watch you, as you ran through the wild flowers. You admired their beauty, and I admired you from a distance, never really knowing if you were truly for real. Could it be you were just another figment of my own deluded mind? I had never before created anything as slender and lithe. Yet, you never seemed to notice. My gaze upon you passed, unseen.

Part of me tried to treat you as a child. I knew you were only one year younger than me, but it was easy to mistake you for younger. The way you behaved was mostly childish. That cute side of you.

Yet you weren't like that when you were stood on my doorstep, Kairi in hand. There was an air of sadness in your deep blue eyes. I picked up on it instantly. Your tone was undecided, so confused.

Little by little, you stuttered in your own way that you were running away. Away from me.

It stung, but with that bitch on your arm I wasn't about to show how much. I finally realized that I couldn't compete with someone like that. I didn't wish you good luck, because that would be lying. Ha, I was such a damn filthy hypocrite. I'd let no lies litter my lips if they were to you, but I lied to myself, everyday, every second. Pushing myself deeper into the void I had dug, letting all my hate, anger sand sadness drown me. It wasn't until you were gone that I realized I was in too deep over my head.

I chased after you, you know; fled the safety of my own solitude to rap my heels along the planks of the bridge you had crossed. The bridge to the main city. I felt myself stumbling, like an incentive blind man who doesn't realize his guide has left him; murdered his guide dog with his own stick and flew away on wings of guilt. I was lost without you.

The first few weeks were the hardest. I remember dreaming of you, dreaming of what might have been. Dreaming of what you would have said in response to my confession. By the time I woke up, I realized it was too late. I slept a lot, hoping you would come to me in the veil of the night, but the dreams faded. Melted out into a thick suffocating void of nightmares and deathly silences.

Sure, I had thought life was no longer living. People do that when hope is lost. I remember holding the razor over my flawless skin, contemplating consequences through ragged breath. It had started as an accident. A sneeze, a mistake. The razor fell, tearing into my own skin as if it was as fragile as rice paper. It tumbled to the floor, clattering, as if proud of what it had done.

I had gazed at the wound, mouth open in shock. And although my eyes had been wide with interest, they were still dead to the world.

I lived in my own bubble. Every three days I would take up something sharp, and draw on myself, painting abstract trails with my own blood. My inner arm, so only I could see it. I drew a line each time. By the time four weeks was over, I had raised lettering in my skin. You still haven't found it yet Sora. When you do lay your sapphire eyes upon it, I will tell you it is a tattoo. That they ruined it, didn't do it properly. It wouldn't do for you to know it was me.

People moved on in the two years you were gone. They grew up, got jobs, and bought tiny rundown houses in the city. I never changed. Well, I lost weight, the skin under my eyes grew darker and I lost all sense of time, but nothing vaguely important changed.

I started to get used to the fact that you weren't coming home, that you weren't coming back to me. It became an everyday thing, knowing I was never going to see you again. Wounds started to heal, the pain started to die; to detach itself from me where it had been so comfortably numb. I started sleeping at regular times, my appetite returned. And the one place I could never face? I went there. To the caves and waterfalls hidden in the forest. And the den built away from prying eyes? I finally started to understand what I had done. Though, when realization dawned, it was beyond late. I no longer saw your face, smiling and laughing. I saw overturned chairs and splintered planks of wood, now old, moss growing on it like a second skin. I saw nothing.

My mother left, handed over the house keys to me and said that her and my father were going to live in the city. To find a better life.

I became a routine. Smile like you mean it as that song says nowadays. Be happy and hide your pain from everyone. Even yourself. Things were quiet in my home. I discarded the telephone; wrapped it up and bound it tight with its own cord and wire.

A dreamlike calm lived where my pain once was. Where my anger used to live. I think that when I tried to fix my broken heart, I put something where it shouldn't be. I went about life as though I was performing a play. I knew what I was doing, yet I couldn't seem to stop. It was all I could do to calm my hate.

When I say hate, I don't mean for you. How could I hate you? Yet after two years, your image in my mind was fading. I had been so afraid of change. I never wanted to move forward, so there'd never be a past.

But there'd always be you.

You had started fading away. I was becoming used to the nightmares, to pushing my fingers tightly over my closed eyes so I could escape into a beautiful world of vibrant colors and cryptic patterns.

Time passed. No one spoke of you anymore. Your mother and father had packed up and left, venturing into the city to pursue accounting jobs. Kairi's mother passed away. I don't think I ever changed.

I didn't grieve for my family when they moved away. part of me still wished that they were there, so I could rely on company, but most of me wanted to be alone. My only companions were a pen and paper with which I would write down my creativity. Abstract illusions filled the pages, not making complete sense, but I understood what I wrote. I lost myself from time to time, my thoughts drifting apart, like a shattered iceberg. You were on one of those shards, Sora. You floated away until you were a tiny pinprick in the distance.

I often wondered to myself, what would he be like now? You'd always been slim and bubbly, but what if Kairi changed you? I couldn't imagine you as a modest, pinstripe wearing accountant like your parents were. As nice as they were, they talked of boring things and used mathematics I couldn't grasp.

You were different, yet you never changed.

My life was changed. I no longer doubted myself, running around in confused circles, but I was clear and concise. I knew what I wanted, and I had to estimate at whether or not it was possible to achieve. I was realistic.

Strange as it seems.

Every now and then your face found its way into my mind, creeping slowly, like a lost soul. I began listening to the lyrics of songs more carefully, relating them to my own life, dutifully and loyally commandeering them to my experiences. Sometimes your face would bring me to despair, making me fall to my knees and beg for you to come back. Other times, your face would make me feel triumphant, because I had conquered over your departure.

Then it happened.

I had been making dinner. I always cooked healthily, because I didn't want to be unfit. The doorbell had rang out amongst the clattering of pans and the bubbling of rice.

I had cleaned off my oily hands until they were soft and smooth again. The door suddenly seemed a lot longer away. My mind had gone through all different functions, finally coming to the door where my feet had stopped.

And you were there.

Clear and bright as starlight, you stood in the dead of the night. I had frozen, seemingly solidified to the spot, shocked by your appearance. The rain had pounded upon your delicate flesh as you hung your head; the rain hiding the tears you told yourself weren't there.

We said not one word to each other, but everything was understood. Your slender fingers had gripped the mug of steaming hot chocolate I had handed to you. The sadness was evident upon your face. You said in a tired, defeated and broken voice that you and Kairi were finished.

The events you described to me had made my heart bleed and my blood boil. How dare she betray you like that? How dare she tell you she loved you with of her heart and soul, then sneak off in the middle of the night to fuck another man, playing you for all she was worth, and then leaving you alone on an abandoned road?

And so, with nowhere else to go, you had turned to me. All thoughts of moving on were gone from my mind, taking off whilst those tiny heart shards slotted back into place, most of them returning to where they were supposed to be.

I had let you ramble, speaking fast in your distress, crying every now and then. I wanted to tell you my feelings right then, but something held me back. Fear? Anguish? Disappointment? No. The only thing holding me back was the table that sat between us, the black and white checkered cloth a familiar eyesore.

A small part of me was angry with you, for using me as a last resort. Some part of me wanted to kick you back out onto the street, telling you that you should have never run off in the first place.

Yet, funnily enough, the tiniest part of me won control. I had got to my feet, grabbed your collar and pulled you into a soft kiss in the middle of what you were about to say.

At first, your hands had come up to push me away, but I didn't draw back. Your lips had reminded me of a soft candy I used to buy from the city. A sweet, expensive candy. They pulsed with warmth against my own. It was just a kiss, but you have no idea of how much it meant tot me. To feel you close to me made my fragile heart pound and my legs weak. You were like a drug; you still are. Addictive and intoxicating.

You didn't pull away. you gave into me, resisted, letting me know that you felt the same. That aura of indecivness and confusion had disappeared, like the sun when the moon shunts it aside. We became one, more so than you and Kairi had ever had.

Hearing Kairi's name in my thoughts made the kiss grow harder. I wanted to purge you of every last sign of her, every trace, like a priest in a violent exorcism. I wanted to make you mine, only mine, so I could be with you forever, to have and to hold, to share my lonliness and pain, similar to an abstract painter who just wants people to see his masterpieces the way he does, but knows they'll never understand. I wanted to chase self doubt from your mind, and whisper to you. I'd whisper about how I'd always look after you, protect you from hurt and betrayl and love you until my body becomes the soil. How all these years, I'd been waiting for you to come back to me. That I was sure of. I still am.

That night I had abandoned my cooking, let it spoil and burn for it meant nothing to me then. The one true thing had been restored.

We never separated. Even as we ventured up the thick green carpet of my stairs, we didn't part. Our feet stumbled, our hands flew wild and my shoulder opened the door.

I had felt the fluttering of your eyelashes at my cheek, and our tongues danced, brushing, stroking against each other as we fought madly for dominance; for that little shred of power that we'd never had before. We fumbled blindly for each other in the moonlight that had streamed in from the window, which I knew would make everything even more magical.

And I saw it. I drew back, mainly for air, opening my eyes to gaze at your face. It was even more perfect than that of my dreams. And what was better, was that I knew it was real. I could reach out and touch you, and knew you couldn't vanish like an angel into the night. You were real, perfect, and HERE.

The frail light cascaded over half of your face, reflecting vividly from the depths of your eyes. On one side, this side, your face was graced with light, showering it with a luscious glow that revealed you for who you really were. Your right eye was lit up, a defiant sapphire clasped by a silver shell. Sparkles shone back into my own face, glittering with mischief; your perfectly angelic side. The child within you. The half untainted by life's cruel nature and blackened with the soot of lies and ridicule.

The other was captivated by shadow. Although your skin was still flawless, a mysterious complexion was there, sunk in silhouette. Your left eye was dark, the blue no longer sapphire, but a blue of the night. Midnight blue, not very visible in the depths of your face. This side was tainted, that much was evident. The side that bore maturity and experience, living life because it was simply there to live. A puppet of betrayal. The bitter side that took everything in through realistic eyes, envisioning the future and deliberately trying to change it. Rebel.

Both sides had stood before me, each as equally beautiful and tempting as the other. You had been worried, asked me what was wrong. You had changed after all. You cared.

I hadn't said anything. There had been no need to. All I did was kiss you, fast as a striking snake and imprinted my lips onto yours, holding nothing back, sliding into your warmth and reveling in the intimacy we were both sharing.

You had reached out behind you, groped for balance. It hadn't been long before you were up against the wall, trapped, one hand in mine, the other gingerly holding the back of my head, tangling in my silvery blue locks and grasping them when I bit your juicy bottom lip.

There had been a seductive atmosphere as I pushed you down onto my feather down bed, watching as you suck into the mattress, your breathing heavy. Everything my dreams had amounted to was playing out, in motion, the streams of thought and consciousness becoming one with reality. I no longed doubted my mind. You were there, everything had been perfect, imaginable.

I ran my finger down your face like a cold tear, tracing your eyebrow, sliding down your fragile eyelids and soft cheek, stroking your sweet moist lips and running down your neck, feeling the constant pounding of your racing pulse. I couldn't stop. Every noise you made, every shudder you gave only fuelled this bubbling new sensation inside of me. I had waited for you to resist, to protest, but you never did. I guess it was a good thing too. I had fingered your damp shirt, disregarding it. It had come off; been thrown across the room to lie in a damp heap, a mess of my floor.

I don't mind, you know? You can make as much mess as you want. Spoil the walls with ugly shades of grey and green, spill waste and shit on the floor, break everything, smash anything. I couldn't care, as long as you never left me. I think you've been starting to understand that recently. I get angry, but my rage is always drowned out by your apologizes and pleading. Some might call me a push over, but I have my boundaries. Some, uh, just don't apply to you.

I had gazed, unwavering at the bare chest before me. Sure, torsos are torsos. I'd seen plenty, but yours was different. Lit up by moonlight and shimmering, shuddering from the sudden cold… and my touch. I traced the contours of your faint muscles, the shadows my fluttering hair created. It rose and fell with your breathing, pushing against me then pulling away. I had leant down, brushing my lips across these contours, these shadow, leaving trails of wet kisses along your skin. I reached your collarbone and kissed harder, biting your flesh with my teeth, sucking harshly. I had needed to claim you as mine, so that whore would know never to come near you again. I had looked back down with interest at the sweet cherry mark I had made, a subtle touch to an innocent kiss.

My shirt had soon been off, the silk cascading over the mahogany headboard, like a shimmering veil of water. You had been interested in my own chest, which (with modesty of course) had been a little more matured, a little more toned than yours.

I allowed you to mark me, to replicate that sweet cherry mark onto my own collarbone, because I wanted to be yours. I had wanted to know you felt the same, and thought about the future, not just that moment in which we delved into an intimate commitment. It hurt, but at the same time, a wave of pleasure had flooded through me like a warm relief, drenching my insides with a need. A need to love you, and be loved in return.

So I let you. Our hands had flown everywhere, occasionally meeting in a chance encounter. Everything had gone. I had taken off your pants, you had taken off my heavy silver necklace. Your shoes, socks, boxers hit the floor, followed by my socks, pants and boxers.

We had both stripped naked; shook together. But it wasn't because it was cold. Never before had I felt so exhilarated, so _alive_. It was like being trapped in a bubble, where only you and me existed, and the whole world was a million miles away. All of our pain, suffering and lies had been left outside in the cruel void. All that remained, was you, me and the moonlight.

You had been aroused; shuffled uncomfortably underneath me, knowing that my hungry gaze was upon you, taking everything in through restless eyes. And, like a starving predator, I had attacked your mouth again, savaging the hot cavern for all it was worth and snaking a tapered hand to your erection, my cool fingers sliding along the rough flesh. You had moaned, the vibrations tickling my mouth. Each time I moved the position of my hand, you would moan, or gasp my name.

I loved that. Hearing my name escape your kissable lips, the hot, sticky breath upon my skin, forcing, urging me to pump faster, to pleasure you in any way I could.

I had drawn back, hearing your tiny hiss of dissatisfaction. A smile had played about my lips and a cry left you as my warm mouth encased your penis, engulfing it in a wanted grip. The convulsions must have done something, because you soon came, filling my mouth with your essence, your lips still letting my name escape. I had reached up and pulled you into a rough kiss, allowing you to taste yourself. The kiss grew violent as I strived to explore everything you had to offer. I had known where it was heading. You had already had your release, and I was still erect, waiting for you to calm down.

I knew I couldn't just bury myself inside you when you were led like that. You had never experienced love with a man before, and judging by Kairi's actions, sex wasn't something you were familiar with at all.

So, all precautions were taken. I had flipped you over, reaching up to your mouth with my fingers, letting you suck slowly, moistening them. You had whispered my name around the digits, told me that you were scared. I remember making a 'shhhing' noise and removing my hand, now reaching down to your entrance, pushing past the puckered beginning and sliding a finger in, loosening you up, seeing your eyes close, and your face contort with pain.

After splaying three fingers inside you, a tear had escaped your sapphire orbs, trailing down your cheekbone and landing softly on the duvet below. I removed what was causing you pain and kissed your spine apologetically, taking both of your perfectly curved hips in my cupped palms, closing my own eyes and crudely forcing myself inside you.

I had flinched at the cry you gave, spilling more tears on the bed. You, not me. You had convulsed in pain, your back arching upwards. I had clenched my teeth together and held my ground.

After you had got used to it, your cries faded, vanishing until they nothing more than whimpers.

You were whispering that it hurt. I never answered you. I knew that it would be painful, but I had needed you to see through it, to see past it. I had asked if you were ready in a low voice, and you had nodded shyly.

I had taken a deep breath and pushed inside you again, being sure to hit your spot, or at least close, so it wouldn't hurt as much. With each thrust, you had cried out, grasping the pillow tightly, your fingernails bending backwards with the force you had exerted.

I had repeatedly slammed into your small frame, my own pleasure quickly rising. I let my fingernails rake your skin and I held you as close as you could be, one hand leaving your hip for the refuge of your shoulder. Tiny beads of sweat had started to form on your forehead as I pushed into you mercilessly, deeper and deeper.

You had started to move with me, your hips thrusting back and mind thrust forward. All I heard you cry was my name, as I moaned yours in return. Sora. That name felt perfect escaping my lips. I couldn't form any thought other than you. You cried out in your innocent angelic voice, the sound slipping through the veil of lust that clouded my mind, making me even more aroused.

That moment was beautiful.

Your back had shuddered slightly, and your cries grew more urgent, urging me to finish what I had started. You had screamed, faster, harder, and I had complied, burying myself inside you as deep as I could go.

I had felt my own climax rising, tingles and shocks flying throughout my body. And, like a runner sprinting out his last 100 yards, I picked up the pace, crying out for you.

We came together. It was so intimate, so special. We had both collapsed, shaking softly on my bed. I had pulled out of you and cleaned up, like a gentleman. I cleaned you off too… remember? You were breathless, red faced and exhausted. We said nothing to each other. I left you for a tiny minute to wash my hands, but when I came back, you were still waiting for me, as I had been for you, lying obediently on one side of the bed, shyly placing a slender hand next to your chocolate spikes.

I had slid in beside you, wrapping my arms around you, kissing your moist forehead, not saying anything, but making my point clear. I would be with you forever, and I'd let nothing get in the way of our love. Something so sweet could not be defied by anyone.

My only wish now is that we go through with the marriage. I already bought you a ring Sora. A beautiful silver ring encasing a delicate sapphire stone. It brings out the colour of your eyes. The ones that are gazing at me now, as I sit writing this at the desk at the foot of our bed. Our bed, the one we share for not just one night, but every night. What am I doing you ask? I am toying with memories. I am telling whoever reads this that I am in love with you. So, even if we die, or one of us falls victim to a tragic accident, someone will know of our time, our struggle to be together. They can see it as whatever they choose, but it is a love story. One to be remembered.

Remembered, since the day it began.

**Please review… this kinda took me ages.**

**I shall update A Girl's Life soon, so don't worry about it. Expect that VERY soon.**

**Cookies and roses for all reviewers!**


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